You know you're a pre-adoptive parent when....

1. You carry your cell phone with you everywhere you go and will it to ring by STARING at it every five minutes
2. You stalk your e-mail and every other PAP (pre-adoptive parent) blog to see if ANYONE is getting "the call"
3. You start to talk about friends from your "virtual community" in everyday conversation.
4. You start to invent jokes about being a PAP to pass the never-ending hours of the day.
5. You stalk your own blog to see who has looked at your site in the last 24 hours.

Okay, I am guilty of all of the above... except the joke one, that was a nod to my friend in Florida. But I WOULD make up a joke if I could find my sense of humor.

There are so many things about adoption that are difficult and stressful. But one of the many, many positives I have experienced is the community you become so attached to during this process. There are tons of "groups" on the internet devoted to the topic of adoption. At present, I belong to about four groups. One is just a Russian adoption group, which is very general and populated by tons of people so I don't really follow that group too closely, I just check in about once a week to see if any important "thread" (topic) is being discussed. Then there is a St. Petersburg Adoption group. This group is a little more focused for my purposes, but still the folks on there are not particularly "involved" in one another's process. The list I really LOVE is the one that is specific to my agency. These folks are a true community. We all know one another, we know who is asking for girls, who wants a boy, who has been waiting a long time, who is between trips, who have had heartbreaking experiences and who are on cloud nine at home with their new little angels. These are the folks who are starting to blend from my virtual life to my real life. These are the folks I talk about and quote in conversation to others.

One of my friends on the list is doing an informative string of posts on her blog to inform folks about the adoption process and terminology. I love reading it because I am sure it's helping alot of people who check in with questions on whether or not they are going to adopt. I don't have the energy to be that organized with my rambling and ranting, but I can tell you the life-changing positives that have come from adoption for me.

I honestly think these are the things that cause some folks to become addicted to the adoption process. There is no other time in my life when I have felt so dependent on God and so connected to a specific community of people.

Alot of people have asked me why Brian and I are adopting again instead of having another baby. The obvious reason is that I want to be 100% certain that my fourth child is a girl. But beyond that, the adoption experience for me, brings me into a community experience that you just don't have when you are pregnant. Pregnancy is such a personal experience. You are feeling the baby move, you are carrying the weight and responsibility of the pregnancy and child. For me, it was a very individual experience. And I'm more of a community kind of a girl. So for me, the adoption experience is actually more exciting at this point in my life than the thought of another pregnancy.

As I get older, I find that community is such a vital part of life for me. Brian and I are living in a house that we long ago "outgrew" because of the amazing community my family has here. God ministers to me through these amazing women, their husbands and children. My community of friends are my "wise counselors" and they KNOW me. Sometimes they are able to see stressers in my life that I don't even see and they counsel me to take a harder look. And they are usually RIGHT. So that is what I have with my on-line community now too. My friend, Michelle, who lives in Tampa, whom I have never met, also has three boys and is adopting. She gives me a reality check with her compassion for the process where I just want to grumble most of the time. Nicole and I are shopping for fabric "together" as we discuss themes for her daughters new room. One gal who lives close to us has actually met me for lunch one day after we had talked on the phone for MONTHS. We both switched from CHI to CSS at the same time, so we walked through that difficult decision together.

Anyway, this is way more information than you needed. Unless you are a PAP, you're actually probably not even reading at this point. But if by some chance you are reading this and trying to decide whether or not to join us on the adoption journey, I would just say, "Come on in. The water is rough at points, there are rapids to navigate, but you will have an amazing community of fellow PAPs to guide you and support you and you will NEVER regret it."

Romans 8:15
"For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, "Abba! Father!"

Prayers Needed

Hey everyone ,we heard some sad news today. A fellow adoptive parent lost their referral today. They had already been to visit this child on their first trip and of course, were happily at home waiting for the court date, feeling like the major battle was behind them. Apparently, the birth mother of this child returned to take custody of him. I am just sick for this family as they are totally devastated. This is their first child, which I think makes the blow that much harder. They are looking for God's presence in this, but it's certainly hard to understand. As we all know, the best situation is for a child to be in his family of origin, unless that family is not capable or willing to take care of the child's needs for food, clothing, shelter, and most importantly, LOVE! Please add this child to your prayers as well, that his mother will be able to provide for him long term and that he will have his needs met. And pray for healing and direction for this family as well. You can read their whole story here: http://www.torussiawithhopeandfaith.blogspot.com/

Psalm 3:1-4
"O Lord, how my adversaries have increased! Many are rising up against me. Many are saying of my soul, "There is no deliverance for him in God." But you, O Lord, are a shield about me, My glory and the One who lifts my head. I was crying to the Lord with my voice, And He answered me from His holy mountain."

Progress!

Okay, I have done battle with the Thomas (doubter) in me and I think I have finally shut him up for a while. On the other hand, maybe I have just been too busy to listen to him. Wow, I didn't realize that obtaining a visa could be so exhausting. First of all, Russian hotels and apartment coordinators do not work quickly in getting you reservations. It's not like you pick up the phone, give the dates and a credit card, and get a confirmation code. I've never done any of this before. Through our last two adoptions and four trips to Russia, I have been a "kept woman" so to speak, in that my agency always obtained the visa, booked the hotels, and once they even made flight arrangements for us. I didn't know how spoiled I was.

Anyway, so far I have narrowed down the accomodations to about two different places. Brian has confirmed our plane tickets. We have the voucher AND the invitation in hand. I am getting the money orders tomorrow and off they go to New York to the consulate for a three to five day processing. We should have the visas back in hand no later than next Friday, April 25, barring any unforeseen problem. See, I just know that something is going to be wrong with the visa application or they are going to need some additional paperwork and all this is just going to come to a screeching halt. Shut up, Thomas!!!!

Anyway, to calm my nerves, I have to admit I did a little on-line shopping today. I couldn't help myself, after looking at Michelle's blog last night (http://therobsons-afamilystory.blogspot.com/) I realized I didn't have nearly enough adorable girly stuff. It's only fair that Mary Margaret look her best when she meets Ariana for the first time! :) And everyone else in her life. And when she sees them for the 15,327th time, for that matter.

Isaiah 41:9-10
"You whom I have taken from the ends of the earth, and called from its remotest parts and said to you, "You are My servant, I have chosen you and not rejected you. Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."

Redeemed from the Pit!

"He will be gracious to you when you cry out, as soon as he hears he will answer you. The Lord will give you the bread you need and the water for which you thirst." Isaiah 30:19-20

I had to start with that verse tonight because I have had a burden lifted. Today about 10:30 AM, our agency called to let us know that we are FINALLY registered in St. Petersburg (April 14th is my pink letter day) and we have an invitation to travel May 5-10. YEEE-HA!!! I know that God hears our cries, even when we are not triumphant in our battles. I know that He has been hearing me all along and that His timing was for now, not for sooner. But I do feel I finally have cause to celebrate tonight.

"Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless His holy name. Who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion, who satisfies your years with good things..." Psalm 103:1,4-5

Having said that, I think anyone who has ever been through the adoption process or infertility will tell you that hope is always tempered with caution. Excitement is always reined in by reality. There is always that guarded optimism until the thing is done. I am no different after two adoptions and a successful pregnancy and birth, I am still cautiously optimistic and guardedly hopeful. I can still never quite allow myself to fully celebrate until we land safely in Nashville, child in hand. So, somehow, this post was harder for me tonight than all the longing posts of the past. It feels like I am bringing on opposition if I celebrate the small milestones. It's weird, I can call and ask for prayers when I am suffering, but those celebretory calls were really hard for me to make today. I am always afraid it's some cruel misunderstanding and they will say, "Oh, oops, did we tell you to travel on the 5th. We meant to call the Smiths, sorry, go to the back of the line." :(

But, tonight, I am going to allow myself to soak in the fact that we are registered, and that in itself is a victory! I feel a tremendous weight off my shoulders knowing that St. Petersburg officially knows we exist. They know that we have been given an invitation to travel. They presumably know we are coming. And our daughter is there, she's real, and she's available. At least at the moment. (See, I can't be 100% cheerful, even now! :)

I am so happy to be planning a trip to Russia. Booking flights, reserving apartments, dreaming of holding our little one for the first time. I'm anxious to see St. Petersburg and I hear that May is the absolute best month of the year to visit. It's known as "White Nights" so I have to go start to do some research on the excitement and festivities.

And I will put my trust in the Lord that He has done this for us and we are not to be disappointed.

Thank you, friends, who have walked this road with us. Thank you for your prayers and your calls and all your concern. Please continue to pray for us as we have not exactly reached smooth sailing territory yet. But also, please do pray for the other families in the process who do not have their burdens lifted tonight. Most of all, pray for our children and those who have no hope of parents. They need it the most!

"I will give thanks to the Lord with all my heart; I will tell of all Your wonders. I will be glad and exult in You; I will sing praise to Your name, O Most High." Psalm 9:1-2

Did you see that ticker number up there?