Discerning God's precious and mighty voice!

Wow, what a week! Brian has been out of town and I have been a single parent for around eight days... whew! On top of that, many emotional opportunities have arisen concerning our adoption, a few little bumps in the road, but no major turbulence... yet.

Anyway, lot's of things to pray about and consider, but nothing much to report. The big news is that our dossier DID arrive in St. Petersburg. It took an overnight train on Tuesday, January 29. So, it's officially there and there are not only nine more days until registration! WOOHOOO!!!!!

The other news is that Brian will 99% sure be traveling on the first trip with me, so there will be no need for a traveling companion, but more need for babysitters... so rev up your math skills as Jack has lots of homework.

We were presented with the unique opportunity to inquire about a specific child that is on the Russian database. Her name is Manisa. She is the most beuatiful little dark haired, dark eyed little girl, wavy curls and big brown eyes. I was actually sitting down to type out the formal request for information on her when I felt God tug at my heart. This is beyond my level of knowledge, skill and certainty. I see only a tiny piece of the picture, and that piece is further blurred by my own view of the world... I see only what the world sees (a strikingly beautiful child.) But there is One who sees it all. Do I dare interfere with His perfect plan by inserting my worldly influenced choices into the process? Or has He drawn my focus to this particular child because He is calling us to her? How do I know where my voice ends and the Holy Spirit's leading begins? I am holding God to his promise in Deuteronomy 5:31, "As for you, stand here by Me, that I may speak to you." I am just trying to stand and wait for Him to speak life into my heart concerning this most crucial decision. I know the world would tell me to go for it... but dare I miss what He is saying!

I have been praying about it and really feel like God is telling me that I don't see the whole picture. He sees every girl in every orphanage in St. Petersburg and He has directed us this far past leaving our agency, etc. I think He has set us up for a situation where He can place our daughter in our arms. It's VERY hard for me to walk away from the little girl, Manisa, because I see her face every time I think of Mary Margaret now. I can't stand to think of her without a family forever.. if you could only see her precious face! BUT, I do feel that I am looking at a very limited amount of information, just her photo... I don't know her personality, her health, or her future. God does. If He has chosen a specific little girl for us and we adopt someone else, then the little girl He has for us might be left in the orphanage forever... I just think that He knows the needs of each child, our family, her health future and past, and He is better informed to make the choice than I am. It's SO hard to let go of it and trust. I know God can purpose good from all our missteps, but I also know that we can set ourselves on paths we were never meant to take by not being still and listening to Him. I want to be like Habakkuk, "I will stand on my guard post and station myself on the rampart; And I will keep watch to see what He will speak to me." Habakkuk 2:1 In the Hebrew translation of this verse, to stand means "to endure, remain and to be standing both in body and attitude." Habakkuk expected God to answer him, and so do I. I know He is moving, even when I don't feel it or hear it, I must be on the lookout and ready to receive His confirmation when He is ready to reveal Himself. Please pray for me... patience and giving over control are not two of my strong suits, but as I spoke of a few posts ago, I want this journey to be as much about refining me to what He has planned as it is about completing our family.

Wow, you're still reading? You must be really bored! Please pray with us that we will discern God's voice, wait for it, and then have the courage to follow Him where He is leading and the wisdom to obey.

"Wait for the Lord; Be strong, and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord." Psalm 27:14