Memorial Day

We leave for my mom's house today. Every Memorial Weekend we have "Festivus" where my siblings and I come home with our 10 collective kiddos since we don't get together at Christmas anymore. (My parents graciously travel to each of us at Christmas so that the kids can stay in their own beds on Christmas Eve night, but that's another story.)

Anyway, I know this weekend is about remembering those who gave their lives or fought for our freedom. I am also remembering the "Memorial Day" we saw in Russia. It was awesome how patriotic the Russians are and how they honor their veterans. I think the Americans could really take a lesson from the Russians on this count!

The other thing I am remembering right now though, is my daughter. There are several families who we've gotten to know in this process, who are leaving Russia from a great first week getting to meet their kids. They all posted on their blogs about their last visits, and this got me thinking about my lasts with my three Russian kiddos. When we left Jack, his caregiver told us not to be sad because he would feel that in his heart and he would carry the sadness. He was only 10 months old, so I doubt he was picking up on those cues, but nonetheless, it was a nice sentiment. And as it turns out, he is a very intuitive kid who does pick up on the slightest social nuance, so who knows. Anyway, I bawled my eyes out all the way back to the hotel (1.5 hour drive.) It was 11 weeks before we saw our first child again!

With Liam, I really worried about him when we left him. Even though I knew he was in a good baby home, I was a mom at that point and knew the love of my son already. Also, he was very clingy. He would latch onto us the moment he saw us. We had trouble testing to see if he could walk because he didn't want to let go of us. He was 17 months old, so I knew he would likely be confused when we didn't come back for a while. It was a tough 11 weeks (again) until we could go and bring him home.

This time, our daughter was very comfortable in her surroundings and seems to love her caregivers. From that perspective, I feel good about how she is doing without us. But it's how we are doing without her that is hard. I was just sick on that last day thinking how senseless it was that I couldn't just leave with her. I know all the reasons why we have to make two (or three) trips, etc. I understand the process all too well. But it seems so unnecessary that she should have to stay there and suffer the love of a family while we gather papers. I wish the police department could feel some of this pain in my heart and HURRY up with those letters! The thing is, we are waiting for letters from the FPD saying that we haven't committed a crime in the last few months since our LAST letter of no record. I mean, I know it makes sense theoretically, but knowing that I am the last person who would intentionally commit a crime makes it seem a little over the top that my daughter has to wait for our police department to go do a background check on me. Since I've already had six of these letters done and no record has ever been found, it's unlikely that I'm going on a crime spree now, don't you think? Anyway, I think this might have been the hardest "leave" yet. Not only was I sad about leaving my daughter, I was sad for her brothers that they would have to wait longer to meet her (I knew this would be hard as they were sort of thinking maybe we'd bring her home.) I was also sad of all the things we will miss in her life while we are apart. I was sad that she wasn't here for the end of school festivities (pic-nics in the park, etc.) And now that summer is here, I am sad that she isn't here to visit my mom's with us this weekend and I could be showing her off to all my family! Lastly, I'm sad at the thought of leaving my boys again, this time for over a week, to go back and get her. I know it's all necessary. I understand the logic of it all. I really do want the Russian government to make sure these kids are going to good homes and protect their safety. I want all that. But the emotional side is not happy about it! :(

Happy Memorial Day!