The Still Quiet of Morning

Our house is quiet this morning. It's a stark contrast between now and five minutes from now when I will wake the boys up and a rush to rival the NY Subway will ensue. I just went up to give the boys their initial nudge before the "real" wake-up occurs. They look like little angels when they sleep and I still love to watch them, even at 8, 6, and 3, in that state of peaceful bliss. I can only imagine the thrill of little curls on a pillow when our daughter is asleep in her sea of pink.

Yesterday was sheer torture, probably the slowest day of the whole process for me. But we made it through and today is a new day. Today we will find out if we are registered or if we start the two-week cycle again. But last night as I finally gave up at 8:30 and decided to put the long day to rest, I realized that it doesn't really matter if we made the registration this time. Yes, I will be disappointed (I'm not made of steel), but I know it WILL happen eventually and I do know that God is in control. I woke up super-early this morning because I couldn't sleep (as usual) and started reading my Bible and a devotional that I am trying to work my way through and all the verses just kept speaking to me. And the main thing they kept saying is that in everything we do, EVERYTHING, the sole purpose is to glorify God. Funny that it didn't say one thing about making me happy! :) So, I just had to remind myself that there is a very good chance that none of this is actually ABOUT me... it's about bringing glory to the Father. And that is something I haven't done very well over the past few weeks. I have been scratching and clawing for this adoption and my posts have even moved away from what I feel Him speaking to me to being more focussed on myself and what's going on every day. This is not the direction I want to head. I have said before that the most amazing part of the adoption process for me, and the reason it's so "addictive" is that I am so totally reliant on the Father in a way I have not been able to duplicate outside of adoption. I feel a closer connection to Him during this process. Just after an adoption, I wake up every morning with a purpose, and that is to acclimate this new little miracle into our family. There's a greater purpose than just me at play. And I have tended to lose sight of that over the past few weeks. Instead of pouring my disappointment on Christ, I have wallowed in it. I am still very hopeful that today will be THE DAY that we get the good news. But if it's not, I have my marching orders for the next two weeks... rely on Him. "God's voice is Peace... the Enemy's voice is fear and chaos." When I read that this morning I shuddered because I realize very clearly whose voice I've been hearing recently... fear and chaos pretty well describe the last two weeks of my life. I am speaking it out of being today! I am NOT going to allow the prince of darkness to steal my hope.

It's a two verse day:

"In him, we were also chosen, destined in accord with the purpose of the One who accomplishes all things according to the intention of his will, so that we might exist for the praise of his glory..." Ephesians 1:11-12

"that he may grant you in accord with the riches of his glory to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in the inner self." Ephesians 3:16