Guess What!

Okay, sorry to fool you with the title, it's not "that" what... but it is a little morsel of news. See, we in the adoption community live for, we hang on, crumbs of information! I got an e-mail yesterday from our stateside director of Russian adoption saying that she heard that they are just waiting for "the letter from Moscow" to be able to schedule our court date. I am aware of this "letter" and know theoretically what it is, but I'm not fully sure of what it is for or it's purposes. So I am just hoping that there is nothing holding the letter up, no snag, just summer delays and that it's on it's way. So, at least that's a little crumb of news for me and for you. It's at least proof that they know we are out here waiting and missing our little princess. It's some indication that they are trying to get us back to her. I will feel so much better after the court date is scheduled.

I have been thinking alot about those ten days between the court decision and taking custody. I don't know how I can bare to leave her again. But I don't think I can bare to be away from my boys that long either. Who needs me more? Mothers shouldn't be faced with decisions like this. I would love to just be with her every day at the orphanage, play with her within her group and get her more used to me so that she wouldn't be so stunned when we leave with her. She is so cautious and shy, I am afraid that it will really upset her the first few days that we are outside the baby home. I know that is alot of change for a little one of her age and especially a cautious child. I know it's a major change for such a little girl and I am thinking that those ten days just being with her might ease the transition for her. But of course, best case scenario, the ten days gets waived, we both stay the full time to get the business done, Brian and I are there together to pick her up and bring her home. That would be a miracle, I know, but I do still believe they happen. So if you want something to pray for, a quick court date with a ten days waived would be ideal! The one thing I do know is that God is hear with us. Jesus can feel our suffering for her. I also know that God is with her. That's the hard one to accept, I know He is caring for us. But to trust that He is caring for her too is the harder one for me. I want to be the one caring for her, but in reality, she's in no better hands than when she is in His caring embrace. I guess the bottom line is that I am afraid God will ask me to walk through something painful in regard to this adoption that I am afraid to walk through. I'm so afraid He will require something of me that I know will tear me down and consume me. But I know that I know that I know that I know that He will be there with me in that too. Once again I find myself in a position to "give it up" and trust my Father to hold me gently.

Okay, enough rambling. I'm really just trying to pretend like I have something to report. And I know all the blog stalkers are sick of logging in to no new posts, so I'll end your torture now! :)

Psalm 34:4
"I sought the Lord, and He answered me, and delivered me from all my fears."