As I sit here posting, my boys (all four of them) are in the midst of "man night." This is something my boys count the days to. They wake up on Man Night days and say, "TONIGHT IS MAN NIGHT!" It's funny how excited they get over junk food and adventure movies. Right now in the background, I am hearing 10,000 Leagues Under the Sea and lots of boy commentary. These nights are soon to be a thing of the past. Not for the boys, but for me. Soon, I will have someone to take upstairs and paint fingernails with while my boys are on the couch eating junk food. The funny thing about guys night is there are only four rules (my husband made them up), 1. No forks, 2. No vegetables, 3. No napkins, (think tacos and hot wings) 4. No whining! :) It's a total guy haven around here tonight. I can't wait to have someone to take out shopping on guys nights!
I can't believe that in five short days, we will be meeting our daughter! I am going to try my very best to keep you all updated via the blog during our trip. I hope I will be able to utilize the business center at our hotel to get access to the internet.
Okay, I'm off to do some more prep work while the cutest boys in the world are otherwise occupied in man land! :)
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Monday, April 28, 2008
A three post kind of day...
Wow, am I ever productive today! This is my third post AND my house is clean. Well, my upstairs is clean, my downstairs is simply straight. AND I'm almost done with all the laundry. Don't ask me why I did the laundry so early in the week, clearly I got overly excited about my production level or something. Anyway, I'll just have to do more laundry before my mom comes (you know, I don't want her doing laundry, I want her giving every ounce of her attention to my kiddos.) But I digress. What I am REALLY excited about is that we are PACKED! YES, that's right, we are actually packed. I hadn't planned on doing that today, it just sort of happened. As I was folding clothes, I'd just put things I knew I wanted to take into the suitcase and before you know it, there it was. Six days worth of clothes and other necessities (all the packing list stuff had gone in days ago.)
Anyway, since I'm desperately in need of something else to stress over (hahaha), I'm now wondering if women in St. Pete wear capri pants. Not that it matters, I could hold up an American flag and it wouldn't make me look like any more of a tourist. But I've packed two pair of capris (the weather is supposed to be warm for a good part of next week) and I wonder if this is appropriate?
I can NOT believe I am posting about packing to go and meet my daughter. I really cannot believe it. I thought this post would never come. I have watched so many families make these posts, prepare for trips, report on referrals, etc. It all seemed like some distant land that I was visiting by slow boat. But it's finally here. Brian warned me tonight that my optimism was flying a little too high. He reminded me of how many things can still go wrong (see, I live with Thomas AND he lives with me! :) But I am deciding to believe that this is in God's plan, that He has pre-destined this, and that we will not be left without hope.
1 Corinthians 3:23
"For no man can lay a foundation other than the one which is laid, which is Jesus Christ."
Anyway, since I'm desperately in need of something else to stress over (hahaha), I'm now wondering if women in St. Pete wear capri pants. Not that it matters, I could hold up an American flag and it wouldn't make me look like any more of a tourist. But I've packed two pair of capris (the weather is supposed to be warm for a good part of next week) and I wonder if this is appropriate?
I can NOT believe I am posting about packing to go and meet my daughter. I really cannot believe it. I thought this post would never come. I have watched so many families make these posts, prepare for trips, report on referrals, etc. It all seemed like some distant land that I was visiting by slow boat. But it's finally here. Brian warned me tonight that my optimism was flying a little too high. He reminded me of how many things can still go wrong (see, I live with Thomas AND he lives with me! :) But I am deciding to believe that this is in God's plan, that He has pre-destined this, and that we will not be left without hope.
1 Corinthians 3:23
"For no man can lay a foundation other than the one which is laid, which is Jesus Christ."
Gentlemen, start your engines!
Visas are in hand. Thank you FedEx, Russian Consulate, act of Congress, Wachovia bank teller Julie, and God... we can now enter Russia. Next up on the agenda, hotel confirmation!
Little angel, here we come! :)
Love, Mommy and Daddy
Little angel, here we come! :)
Love, Mommy and Daddy
Ready... I think!
Someone posted on our adoption list a while back that they were an organized procrastinator. I can totally identify with that. I have made lists, written something "to do" on my calendar for every day this week, spent countless hours going through these motions in my head, but I haven't actually DONE anything to get ready for our trip. So, for all the planning and working it out, this week will be crazy because now I have to actually DO all the things I've been thinking of all this time.
I'm starting with cleaning my house. I am not sure why I'm starting here because there's no way we'll keep it that way til my mom gets here. But I can't pack and prepare in an unorganized house, so today is laundry and cleaning day. :)
And we still don't have our visas, however, I did get a tracking number today from the consulate and the FedEx site says they are on the truck and ready to be delivered to us today. So, hopefully I'll be checking that one off the list.
The hotel has still not been able to confirm our reservation because the credit card company has denied the charge four times. Even though I have removed the security hold on my account! So, I spoke with a "supervisor" today and assured her that there is no fraud involved, to please allow the hotel to put the charge through. Hopefully she will take care of this and we will have a bed when we get to Russia. If not, I may panic.
The tickets arrived on Friday, so that's done and in hand. All that's left to do is my list.
Today is the day that two other families are supposed to be registered in St. Pete. I am so hoping that they will be registered as planned and that they can start being excited and looking forward to referrals. I know too well that anticipation of "the day" you have been waiting for. I'll be checking in with them shortly to see if there is any news.
Right now I'm waiting for a call from C at CSS to tell me how much money I need to carry with me for the Russian medicals. That is something we are really hoping to avoid having to do since we just had our medicals updated. We are taking them with us to St. Pete in hopes that they will be acceptable to the judge, but C doesn't seem too hopeful about this. I'm saying a prayer that this will go smoother than C expects it to.
Okay, I'm off to play Cinderella (scrubbing, washing, etc.) and hope that the clock does not strike 12 before I'm done. :)
1 Corinthians 2:9
"Things which eye has not seen and ear has not heard, and which have not entered the heart of man, all that God has prepared for those who love Him."
I'm starting with cleaning my house. I am not sure why I'm starting here because there's no way we'll keep it that way til my mom gets here. But I can't pack and prepare in an unorganized house, so today is laundry and cleaning day. :)
And we still don't have our visas, however, I did get a tracking number today from the consulate and the FedEx site says they are on the truck and ready to be delivered to us today. So, hopefully I'll be checking that one off the list.
The hotel has still not been able to confirm our reservation because the credit card company has denied the charge four times. Even though I have removed the security hold on my account! So, I spoke with a "supervisor" today and assured her that there is no fraud involved, to please allow the hotel to put the charge through. Hopefully she will take care of this and we will have a bed when we get to Russia. If not, I may panic.
The tickets arrived on Friday, so that's done and in hand. All that's left to do is my list.
Today is the day that two other families are supposed to be registered in St. Pete. I am so hoping that they will be registered as planned and that they can start being excited and looking forward to referrals. I know too well that anticipation of "the day" you have been waiting for. I'll be checking in with them shortly to see if there is any news.
Right now I'm waiting for a call from C at CSS to tell me how much money I need to carry with me for the Russian medicals. That is something we are really hoping to avoid having to do since we just had our medicals updated. We are taking them with us to St. Pete in hopes that they will be acceptable to the judge, but C doesn't seem too hopeful about this. I'm saying a prayer that this will go smoother than C expects it to.
Okay, I'm off to play Cinderella (scrubbing, washing, etc.) and hope that the clock does not strike 12 before I'm done. :)
1 Corinthians 2:9
"Things which eye has not seen and ear has not heard, and which have not entered the heart of man, all that God has prepared for those who love Him."
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
The unbridled Thomas
Well, Thomas is a persistent fellow. He doesn't let up, no matter how good things seem to be. Now that the visas seem to be in order (I spoke to the Consulate today and they should arrive on April 25; I could go on a tangent here about how worried I am that the passports are not in the envelope or that FedEx would lose them, but what's the point?), the tickets are booked, my mom has the vacation days to come stay with the kids, my sister-in-law has the ability to come help my mom, the hotel is arranged, and we are registered, it seems Thomas needed something else to dig at me about. So, here we are.
Brian and I have never traveled with an advance referral before. We've always traveled "blind", meaning we receive NO information prior to arriving at the Ministry of Education. Contrary to popular belief, we did not PICK OUT our children. (The very idea!) Our boys were both assigned to us by the MOE. So, now Thomas is digging at me about the referral. I told myself that an advance referral would make things so much easier, we could have a comfort level from having spoken with Dr. Heil prior to travel and wouldn't feel the need to use a Russian doctor. But now what I am finding is an attachment to the little girl in this photo. I have bought clothing with her dark hair in mind. I have her referral photo framed in my kitchen, she's on Brian's dresser, she's on the refrigerator with a magnet. She's everywhere. And we're bonding to the idea of her. I am starting to think of her as Mary Margaret. So, now the fear kicks in. What if we get there and she's not the one? What if there is some terrible mix up or if her mother returns for her, or any number of things that can and DO happen to great folks every day in this process? What then? How do you pick up and move forward? I don't know what makes me such a doubting Thomas. I don't know why I can't just trust that God is doing something good and there won't be any snares or bumps. I think this line of thinking started for me when I got the call that my sister had been killed in a car accident. I think once you get that call, you're never the same again. You are always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Once you've lived through that kind of family shattering event, your naivete is gone, you're Pollyanna goggles are off, you know the pain of answering the phone at 10 PM. So, I think that started this thought process for me. I think infertility cemented it into my bones. I've talked to other people who have gotten that phone call and it's something they experience to. Once your eyes are open to that kind of pain, you're going to be gun-shy for the rest of your life, I suppose.
The thing is, I am overly and abundantly blessed. God has held me and blessed me through every event and tragedy in my life. Some of the times I have been closest to God are some of the worst times of my life. My footprints really do look like that poem about the footprints in the sand. There's no question for me that I have so much to be thankful for. I am not one of these people for whom things never work out. I seem to have fortune in every circumstance. Certainly I have a life already that I don't deserve and could never earn. So why the pessimistic expectations? I don't know. I think I have a fear of letting myself believe that the greatest dream of my married life is about to come true. It just seems to good to be true, honestly.
When Brian and I were trying to conceive, I remember praying on my back porch one day and clearly feeling God telling me that I would have a home full of children and to put away my fear. I believed it in that moment, and look what He has accomplished in a short eight years of my life. Nine years ago today, I was in the pit of hell, and today my life is full and wonderful. I am loved by three incredible boys and a host of family and friends like no other. I have a husband who is my friend and a marriage that is not difficult. What more could I want? A daughter! Bringing Mary Margaret home will fulfill my life's dream of parenting both sons and daughters. This is a longing that so many people just can't understand. I have friends who have multiple boys and no desire for a daughter. But that's not who God made me. He planted this desire in me from the beginning. He nurtured it, even when I prayed for Him to take it away from me. And now I BELIEVE that He can and WILL bring this to fruition. But the Thomas in me needs to see the ink on the decree, the plane landing in Nashville, and the boys adjusting and loving their little sister.
Romans 4:3
"For what does the Scripture say? "Abraham believed God and it was credited to him as righteousness."
Romans 4:18, 20-21
"In hope against hope he believed, so that he might become a father of many nations, according to that which had been spoken, "So shall your descendants be. ...yet with respect to the promise of God, he did not waver in unbelief, but grew strong in faith, giving glory to God. And being fully assured that what God had promised, He was able also to perform."
Brian and I have never traveled with an advance referral before. We've always traveled "blind", meaning we receive NO information prior to arriving at the Ministry of Education. Contrary to popular belief, we did not PICK OUT our children. (The very idea!) Our boys were both assigned to us by the MOE. So, now Thomas is digging at me about the referral. I told myself that an advance referral would make things so much easier, we could have a comfort level from having spoken with Dr. Heil prior to travel and wouldn't feel the need to use a Russian doctor. But now what I am finding is an attachment to the little girl in this photo. I have bought clothing with her dark hair in mind. I have her referral photo framed in my kitchen, she's on Brian's dresser, she's on the refrigerator with a magnet. She's everywhere. And we're bonding to the idea of her. I am starting to think of her as Mary Margaret. So, now the fear kicks in. What if we get there and she's not the one? What if there is some terrible mix up or if her mother returns for her, or any number of things that can and DO happen to great folks every day in this process? What then? How do you pick up and move forward? I don't know what makes me such a doubting Thomas. I don't know why I can't just trust that God is doing something good and there won't be any snares or bumps. I think this line of thinking started for me when I got the call that my sister had been killed in a car accident. I think once you get that call, you're never the same again. You are always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Once you've lived through that kind of family shattering event, your naivete is gone, you're Pollyanna goggles are off, you know the pain of answering the phone at 10 PM. So, I think that started this thought process for me. I think infertility cemented it into my bones. I've talked to other people who have gotten that phone call and it's something they experience to. Once your eyes are open to that kind of pain, you're going to be gun-shy for the rest of your life, I suppose.
The thing is, I am overly and abundantly blessed. God has held me and blessed me through every event and tragedy in my life. Some of the times I have been closest to God are some of the worst times of my life. My footprints really do look like that poem about the footprints in the sand. There's no question for me that I have so much to be thankful for. I am not one of these people for whom things never work out. I seem to have fortune in every circumstance. Certainly I have a life already that I don't deserve and could never earn. So why the pessimistic expectations? I don't know. I think I have a fear of letting myself believe that the greatest dream of my married life is about to come true. It just seems to good to be true, honestly.
When Brian and I were trying to conceive, I remember praying on my back porch one day and clearly feeling God telling me that I would have a home full of children and to put away my fear. I believed it in that moment, and look what He has accomplished in a short eight years of my life. Nine years ago today, I was in the pit of hell, and today my life is full and wonderful. I am loved by three incredible boys and a host of family and friends like no other. I have a husband who is my friend and a marriage that is not difficult. What more could I want? A daughter! Bringing Mary Margaret home will fulfill my life's dream of parenting both sons and daughters. This is a longing that so many people just can't understand. I have friends who have multiple boys and no desire for a daughter. But that's not who God made me. He planted this desire in me from the beginning. He nurtured it, even when I prayed for Him to take it away from me. And now I BELIEVE that He can and WILL bring this to fruition. But the Thomas in me needs to see the ink on the decree, the plane landing in Nashville, and the boys adjusting and loving their little sister.
Romans 4:3
"For what does the Scripture say? "Abraham believed God and it was credited to him as righteousness."
Romans 4:18, 20-21
"In hope against hope he believed, so that he might become a father of many nations, according to that which had been spoken, "So shall your descendants be. ...yet with respect to the promise of God, he did not waver in unbelief, but grew strong in faith, giving glory to God. And being fully assured that what God had promised, He was able also to perform."
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Flip Flops
Okay, I have a confession to make. I have an obsession with flip-flops! I LOVE flip-flops. I am euphoric when the weather warms up and I can buy new flip-flops. I think it spurs from this on-going obsession with being barefoot. Then I married a "city boy" and he has the opinion that you are not very cultured if you run around barefoot. So I have evolved into a compromise of sorts.... I wear flip-flops, which so far, is the closest thing I have found for being barefoot. So anyway, what does this have to do with adoption? Well, it's one of the things I can't wait to pass on to my daughter. I can't wait to see her in cute little bejeweled flip-flops with big silk flowers on the toe. I can't wait to wrap thong straps in ribbon and tie a big bow on the front. I mean, seriously, what could be more fun than bows on your toes? :) So, as I sit here waiting for the Russian Consulate to get my updated and SIGNED money order, I am just dreaming of all the 
adorable flip-flops my daughter and I are going to adorn ourselves with when she gets home. And I wish I knew her shoe size because I found these to-die-for flops at http://www.morgankatebowtique.com/ and I LOVE these personalized ones... now those are CUTE! Monday, April 21, 2008
AAACCCKKK! I hate paperwork!
Ugh, I knew something would go wrong. See, Thomas was right! :( I forgot to sign the money order to the Russian consulate, so I will be seeing my favorite friend again today... otherwise known as the FedEx man. I'm getting really sick of him since it seems to be that I am never on the receiving end of the FedEx circle. So, I'm off AGAIN to get another money order (how does that work when you get a second money order, doesn't that charge you double????) and try to get it right this time and hope they put it with the right documents at the consulate.... GRRRRR. (I hope you heard pit bull growling there, not Chihuahua.)
Saturday, April 19, 2008
You know you're a pre-adoptive parent when....
1. You carry your cell phone with you everywhere you go and will it to ring by STARING at it every five minutes
2. You stalk your e-mail and every other PAP (pre-adoptive parent) blog to see if ANYONE is getting "the call"
3. You start to talk about friends from your "virtual community" in everyday conversation.
4. You start to invent jokes about being a PAP to pass the never-ending hours of the day.
5. You stalk your own blog to see who has looked at your site in the last 24 hours.
Okay, I am guilty of all of the above... except the joke one, that was a nod to my friend in Florida. But I WOULD make up a joke if I could find my sense of humor.
There are so many things about adoption that are difficult and stressful. But one of the many, many positives I have experienced is the community you become so attached to during this process. There are tons of "groups" on the internet devoted to the topic of adoption. At present, I belong to about four groups. One is just a Russian adoption group, which is very general and populated by tons of people so I don't really follow that group too closely, I just check in about once a week to see if any important "thread" (topic) is being discussed. Then there is a St. Petersburg Adoption group. This group is a little more focused for my purposes, but still the folks on there are not particularly "involved" in one another's process. The list I really LOVE is the one that is specific to my agency. These folks are a true community. We all know one another, we know who is asking for girls, who wants a boy, who has been waiting a long time, who is between trips, who have had heartbreaking experiences and who are on cloud nine at home with their new little angels. These are the folks who are starting to blend from my virtual life to my real life. These are the folks I talk about and quote in conversation to others.
One of my friends on the list is doing an informative string of posts on her blog to inform folks about the adoption process and terminology. I love reading it because I am sure it's helping alot of people who check in with questions on whether or not they are going to adopt. I don't have the energy to be that organized with my rambling and ranting, but I can tell you the life-changing positives that have come from adoption for me.
I honestly think these are the things that cause some folks to become addicted to the adoption process. There is no other time in my life when I have felt so dependent on God and so connected to a specific community of people.
Alot of people have asked me why Brian and I are adopting again instead of having another baby. The obvious reason is that I want to be 100% certain that my fourth child is a girl. But beyond that, the adoption experience for me, brings me into a community experience that you just don't have when you are pregnant. Pregnancy is such a personal experience. You are feeling the baby move, you are carrying the weight and responsibility of the pregnancy and child. For me, it was a very individual experience. And I'm more of a community kind of a girl. So for me, the adoption experience is actually more exciting at this point in my life than the thought of another pregnancy.
As I get older, I find that community is such a vital part of life for me. Brian and I are living in a house that we long ago "outgrew" because of the amazing community my family has here. God ministers to me through these amazing women, their husbands and children. My community of friends are my "wise counselors" and they KNOW me. Sometimes they are able to see stressers in my life that I don't even see and they counsel me to take a harder look. And they are usually RIGHT. So that is what I have with my on-line community now too. My friend, Michelle, who lives in Tampa, whom I have never met, also has three boys and is adopting. She gives me a reality check with her compassion for the process where I just want to grumble most of the time. Nicole and I are shopping for fabric "together" as we discuss themes for her daughters new room. One gal who lives close to us has actually met me for lunch one day after we had talked on the phone for MONTHS. We both switched from CHI to CSS at the same time, so we walked through that difficult decision together.
Anyway, this is way more information than you needed. Unless you are a PAP, you're actually probably not even reading at this point. But if by some chance you are reading this and trying to decide whether or not to join us on the adoption journey, I would just say, "Come on in. The water is rough at points, there are rapids to navigate, but you will have an amazing community of fellow PAPs to guide you and support you and you will NEVER regret it."
Romans 8:15
"For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, "Abba! Father!"
2. You stalk your e-mail and every other PAP (pre-adoptive parent) blog to see if ANYONE is getting "the call"
3. You start to talk about friends from your "virtual community" in everyday conversation.
4. You start to invent jokes about being a PAP to pass the never-ending hours of the day.
5. You stalk your own blog to see who has looked at your site in the last 24 hours.
Okay, I am guilty of all of the above... except the joke one, that was a nod to my friend in Florida. But I WOULD make up a joke if I could find my sense of humor.
There are so many things about adoption that are difficult and stressful. But one of the many, many positives I have experienced is the community you become so attached to during this process. There are tons of "groups" on the internet devoted to the topic of adoption. At present, I belong to about four groups. One is just a Russian adoption group, which is very general and populated by tons of people so I don't really follow that group too closely, I just check in about once a week to see if any important "thread" (topic) is being discussed. Then there is a St. Petersburg Adoption group. This group is a little more focused for my purposes, but still the folks on there are not particularly "involved" in one another's process. The list I really LOVE is the one that is specific to my agency. These folks are a true community. We all know one another, we know who is asking for girls, who wants a boy, who has been waiting a long time, who is between trips, who have had heartbreaking experiences and who are on cloud nine at home with their new little angels. These are the folks who are starting to blend from my virtual life to my real life. These are the folks I talk about and quote in conversation to others.
One of my friends on the list is doing an informative string of posts on her blog to inform folks about the adoption process and terminology. I love reading it because I am sure it's helping alot of people who check in with questions on whether or not they are going to adopt. I don't have the energy to be that organized with my rambling and ranting, but I can tell you the life-changing positives that have come from adoption for me.
I honestly think these are the things that cause some folks to become addicted to the adoption process. There is no other time in my life when I have felt so dependent on God and so connected to a specific community of people.
Alot of people have asked me why Brian and I are adopting again instead of having another baby. The obvious reason is that I want to be 100% certain that my fourth child is a girl. But beyond that, the adoption experience for me, brings me into a community experience that you just don't have when you are pregnant. Pregnancy is such a personal experience. You are feeling the baby move, you are carrying the weight and responsibility of the pregnancy and child. For me, it was a very individual experience. And I'm more of a community kind of a girl. So for me, the adoption experience is actually more exciting at this point in my life than the thought of another pregnancy.
As I get older, I find that community is such a vital part of life for me. Brian and I are living in a house that we long ago "outgrew" because of the amazing community my family has here. God ministers to me through these amazing women, their husbands and children. My community of friends are my "wise counselors" and they KNOW me. Sometimes they are able to see stressers in my life that I don't even see and they counsel me to take a harder look. And they are usually RIGHT. So that is what I have with my on-line community now too. My friend, Michelle, who lives in Tampa, whom I have never met, also has three boys and is adopting. She gives me a reality check with her compassion for the process where I just want to grumble most of the time. Nicole and I are shopping for fabric "together" as we discuss themes for her daughters new room. One gal who lives close to us has actually met me for lunch one day after we had talked on the phone for MONTHS. We both switched from CHI to CSS at the same time, so we walked through that difficult decision together.
Anyway, this is way more information than you needed. Unless you are a PAP, you're actually probably not even reading at this point. But if by some chance you are reading this and trying to decide whether or not to join us on the adoption journey, I would just say, "Come on in. The water is rough at points, there are rapids to navigate, but you will have an amazing community of fellow PAPs to guide you and support you and you will NEVER regret it."
Romans 8:15
"For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, "Abba! Father!"
Friday, April 18, 2008
Prayers Needed
Hey everyone ,we heard some sad news today. A fellow adoptive parent lost their referral today. They had already been to visit this child on their first trip and of course, were happily at home waiting for the court date, feeling like the major battle was behind them. Apparently, the birth mother of this child returned to take custody of him. I am just sick for this family as they are totally devastated. This is their first child, which I think makes the blow that much harder. They are looking for God's presence in this, but it's certainly hard to understand. As we all know, the best situation is for a child to be in his family of origin, unless that family is not capable or willing to take care of the child's needs for food, clothing, shelter, and most importantly, LOVE! Please add this child to your prayers as well, that his mother will be able to provide for him long term and that he will have his needs met. And pray for healing and direction for this family as well. You can read their whole story here: http://www.torussiawithhopeandfaith.blogspot.com/
Psalm 3:1-4
"O Lord, how my adversaries have increased! Many are rising up against me. Many are saying of my soul, "There is no deliverance for him in God." But you, O Lord, are a shield about me, My glory and the One who lifts my head. I was crying to the Lord with my voice, And He answered me from His holy mountain."
Psalm 3:1-4
"O Lord, how my adversaries have increased! Many are rising up against me. Many are saying of my soul, "There is no deliverance for him in God." But you, O Lord, are a shield about me, My glory and the One who lifts my head. I was crying to the Lord with my voice, And He answered me from His holy mountain."
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Progress!
Okay, I have done battle with the Thomas (doubter) in me and I think I have finally shut him up for a while. On the other hand, maybe I have just been too busy to listen to him. Wow, I didn't realize that obtaining a visa could be so exhausting. First of all, Russian hotels and apartment coordinators do not work quickly in getting you reservations. It's not like you pick up the phone, give the dates and a credit card, and get a confirmation code. I've never done any of this before. Through our last two adoptions and four trips to Russia, I have been a "kept woman" so to speak, in that my agency always obtained the visa, booked the hotels, and once they even made flight arrangements for us. I didn't know how spoiled I was.
Anyway, so far I have narrowed down the accomodations to about two different places. Brian has confirmed our plane tickets. We have the voucher AND the invitation in hand. I am getting the money orders tomorrow and off they go to New York to the consulate for a three to five day processing. We should have the visas back in hand no later than next Friday, April 25, barring any unforeseen problem. See, I just know that something is going to be wrong with the visa application or they are going to need some additional paperwork and all this is just going to come to a screeching halt. Shut up, Thomas!!!!
Anyway, to calm my nerves, I have to admit I did a little on-line shopping today. I couldn't help myself, after looking at Michelle's blog last night (http://therobsons-afamilystory.blogspot.com/) I realized I didn't have nearly enough adorable girly stuff. It's only fair that Mary Margaret look her best when she meets Ariana for the first time! :) And everyone else in her life. And when she sees them for the 15,327th time, for that matter.
Isaiah 41:9-10
"You whom I have taken from the ends of the earth, and called from its remotest parts and said to you, "You are My servant, I have chosen you and not rejected you. Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."
Anyway, so far I have narrowed down the accomodations to about two different places. Brian has confirmed our plane tickets. We have the voucher AND the invitation in hand. I am getting the money orders tomorrow and off they go to New York to the consulate for a three to five day processing. We should have the visas back in hand no later than next Friday, April 25, barring any unforeseen problem. See, I just know that something is going to be wrong with the visa application or they are going to need some additional paperwork and all this is just going to come to a screeching halt. Shut up, Thomas!!!!
Anyway, to calm my nerves, I have to admit I did a little on-line shopping today. I couldn't help myself, after looking at Michelle's blog last night (http://therobsons-afamilystory.blogspot.com/) I realized I didn't have nearly enough adorable girly stuff. It's only fair that Mary Margaret look her best when she meets Ariana for the first time! :) And everyone else in her life. And when she sees them for the 15,327th time, for that matter.
Isaiah 41:9-10
"You whom I have taken from the ends of the earth, and called from its remotest parts and said to you, "You are My servant, I have chosen you and not rejected you. Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."
Monday, April 14, 2008
Redeemed from the Pit!
"He will be gracious to you when you cry out, as soon as he hears he will answer you. The Lord will give you the bread you need and the water for which you thirst." Isaiah 30:19-20
I had to start with that verse tonight because I have had a burden lifted. Today about 10:30 AM, our agency called to let us know that we are FINALLY registered in St. Petersburg (April 14th is my pink letter day) and we have an invitation to travel May 5-10. YEEE-HA!!! I know that God hears our cries, even when we are not triumphant in our battles. I know that He has been hearing me all along and that His timing was for now, not for sooner. But I do feel I finally have cause to celebrate tonight.
"Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless His holy name. Who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion, who satisfies your years with good things..." Psalm 103:1,4-5
Having said that, I think anyone who has ever been through the adoption process or infertility will tell you that hope is always tempered with caution. Excitement is always reined in by reality. There is always that guarded optimism until the thing is done. I am no different after two adoptions and a successful pregnancy and birth, I am still cautiously optimistic and guardedly hopeful. I can still never quite allow myself to fully celebrate until we land safely in Nashville, child in hand. So, somehow, this post was harder for me tonight than all the longing posts of the past. It feels like I am bringing on opposition if I celebrate the small milestones. It's weird, I can call and ask for prayers when I am suffering, but those celebretory calls were really hard for me to make today. I am always afraid it's some cruel misunderstanding and they will say, "Oh, oops, did we tell you to travel on the 5th. We meant to call the Smiths, sorry, go to the back of the line." :(
But, tonight, I am going to allow myself to soak in the fact that we are registered, and that in itself is a victory! I feel a tremendous weight off my shoulders knowing that St. Petersburg officially knows we exist. They know that we have been given an invitation to travel. They presumably know we are coming. And our daughter is there, she's real, and she's available. At least at the moment. (See, I can't be 100% cheerful, even now! :)
I am so happy to be planning a trip to Russia. Booking flights, reserving apartments, dreaming of holding our little one for the first time. I'm anxious to see St. Petersburg and I hear that May is the absolute best month of the year to visit. It's known as "White Nights" so I have to go start to do some research on the excitement and festivities.
And I will put my trust in the Lord that He has done this for us and we are not to be disappointed.
Thank you, friends, who have walked this road with us. Thank you for your prayers and your calls and all your concern. Please continue to pray for us as we have not exactly reached smooth sailing territory yet. But also, please do pray for the other families in the process who do not have their burdens lifted tonight. Most of all, pray for our children and those who have no hope of parents. They need it the most!
"I will give thanks to the Lord with all my heart; I will tell of all Your wonders. I will be glad and exult in You; I will sing praise to Your name, O Most High." Psalm 9:1-2
I had to start with that verse tonight because I have had a burden lifted. Today about 10:30 AM, our agency called to let us know that we are FINALLY registered in St. Petersburg (April 14th is my pink letter day) and we have an invitation to travel May 5-10. YEEE-HA!!! I know that God hears our cries, even when we are not triumphant in our battles. I know that He has been hearing me all along and that His timing was for now, not for sooner. But I do feel I finally have cause to celebrate tonight.
"Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless His holy name. Who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion, who satisfies your years with good things..." Psalm 103:1,4-5
Having said that, I think anyone who has ever been through the adoption process or infertility will tell you that hope is always tempered with caution. Excitement is always reined in by reality. There is always that guarded optimism until the thing is done. I am no different after two adoptions and a successful pregnancy and birth, I am still cautiously optimistic and guardedly hopeful. I can still never quite allow myself to fully celebrate until we land safely in Nashville, child in hand. So, somehow, this post was harder for me tonight than all the longing posts of the past. It feels like I am bringing on opposition if I celebrate the small milestones. It's weird, I can call and ask for prayers when I am suffering, but those celebretory calls were really hard for me to make today. I am always afraid it's some cruel misunderstanding and they will say, "Oh, oops, did we tell you to travel on the 5th. We meant to call the Smiths, sorry, go to the back of the line." :(
But, tonight, I am going to allow myself to soak in the fact that we are registered, and that in itself is a victory! I feel a tremendous weight off my shoulders knowing that St. Petersburg officially knows we exist. They know that we have been given an invitation to travel. They presumably know we are coming. And our daughter is there, she's real, and she's available. At least at the moment. (See, I can't be 100% cheerful, even now! :)
I am so happy to be planning a trip to Russia. Booking flights, reserving apartments, dreaming of holding our little one for the first time. I'm anxious to see St. Petersburg and I hear that May is the absolute best month of the year to visit. It's known as "White Nights" so I have to go start to do some research on the excitement and festivities.
And I will put my trust in the Lord that He has done this for us and we are not to be disappointed.
Thank you, friends, who have walked this road with us. Thank you for your prayers and your calls and all your concern. Please continue to pray for us as we have not exactly reached smooth sailing territory yet. But also, please do pray for the other families in the process who do not have their burdens lifted tonight. Most of all, pray for our children and those who have no hope of parents. They need it the most!
"I will give thanks to the Lord with all my heart; I will tell of all Your wonders. I will be glad and exult in You; I will sing praise to Your name, O Most High." Psalm 9:1-2
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Friday, April 11, 2008
A Pink Princess Bed and Amazing Friends
Okay, I must first say that I have THE most amazing friends. No, truly, the most amazing! I am not just talking about a good group of women here. I am talking about a group of girls that are diverse, devoted, and AMAZING! I cannot believe how much God has blessed me with this group of girls to surround me. My friends are Godly, thoughtful, caring, and supportive. And this group of girls are walking this walk with me, in the midst of their crazy lives (traveling husband, working mom, infant mom, Mayor's wife, etc. etc.) and really caring about each and every moment. This is a group of women who care for me like a mother cares, but in the down in the trenches, I'm with you sister, kind of way. As I sit here trying to explain what these women are and mean in my life, I realize that words are so inadequate. They are too precious to convey in words. These are bone deep friendships that are safe and strong. We share every sorrow, joy, struggle, laugh and cry together. And these are the kind of friendships that if I only had ONE friend like this in my life I would be more fortunate than many women I know. But the fact that I have MULTIPLE friendships like this is just beyond belief for me. I really think that girlfriends, good ones, are an essential component to being a woman, but an indispensable part of being a Mom. I could not have gotten through some of my long days without these girls. Anyway, I'm gushing at this point and you've probably stopped reading. But I do have a point to the endless praise...
These crazy beautiful girls bought me THE most amazing baby gift yesterday... total spur of the moment "moment", but FABULOUS!!!! You have to see "the bed"... I mean, this is THE BED!!!! It's a toddler sized bed that fits my crib mattress. When we realized that our daughter will most likely still be in a crib and not a big bed, we were just planning to get our crib out of the attic and put it to the test of a fourth Harrison baby. :) But yesterday, my friends and I were at an art studio near our house called Silo Studios (I would like so you could see it, but I don't know how to do that yet) and the first thing I saw when we walked in was this to-die-for bed! I was debating whether to buy it and two of these girls got on the phone with the other girls and next thing I know, it's being loaded into my car. Then I spent the rest of the day blubbering about what great friends they are and how blessed I am to have them, etc. etc. I mean, to tell you how awesome they are, this is the FOURTH round of baby-gift buying that these girls have been through with me and they are STILL finding the energy to celebrate the moment. They are genuinely excited about this big event in our lives. I mean, at some point, you would think they would be sick of me adding babies and just say, "good luck to you!" :) Anyway... now that I have pulled myself together from the emotional wreck I was yesterday, I'm just sitting in her room salivating over this precious throne-like bed that's just perfect for the sister of three big brothers! :)
One last note, it's starting to seem more imminent that we could travel on the 20th and I decided I better get my butt in gear and DO something... so I've started piling up things I can't forget to take (the essentials as seen here are electric converter, knitting bag with all my knitting stuff, World Without End by Ken Follett, Tylenol PM, baby wipes, measuring tape to measure her legs, arms, head, etc. for sewing and for the doctors, notebook for writing stuff down, packing list.) I'm putting them on her dresser, so for the "scrapbook", here's a photo of the beginning prep for travel... sitting atop the sweet new dresser I did for her!
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Jumping off the pity train... for now
Okay, so I realize that my posts have been all gloom and doom for about a week and I am just over myself. Quite frankly, there's way too much stuff that I SHOULD be focusing on for me to be putting this much energy into watching the clock tick. SO... this is the kick in the butt I needed. I was reading Kim Abraham's blog tonight about the local social worker who died over the weekend. And then there's the story of little Audrey Caroline that most everyone in Nashville knows about. And my mother-in-law has been in the hospital all week. We thought she had had a minor heart attack (are there such things as MINOR heart attacks), but it turned out to be something else. Anyway, the scare was enough. Brian and I were just thinking of how much we cherish our parents and how lucky we are to have our parents and no one has any real health issues. It's just a reality check. So, while it is absolutely, completely, totally tragic that my daughter went to sleep tonight without her mommy and daddy to kiss her and tell her she is loved, we know the day is coming when she will be redeemed from that and her life will be cherished from that day forward. We know that day is already scheduled on God's calendar. It's there, written in ink, programmed into his Palm Pilot, or whatever He uses to keep up with all of our little worries and wants. The day is approaching, it's iminent, and it will happen. For today, I am going to focus on the bazillion blessings that are all around me (that quite frankly, God is probably a little perturbed that I have been ignoring) and not worry so much about the blessing that's on it's way. I have been around this block before, I know the adoption WILL happen. I know the stress and the worry of the wait, like the pains and aches of pregnancy and labor, all melt away when you are holding that little angel for the first time. So I will count this among my blessings because God has promised not to leave a work unfinished, and I know that He is working in this time, as much as He is in the receiving of the gift.
"Whenever a woman is in labor, she has pain, because her hour has come; but when she gives birth to the child, she no longer remembers the anguish because of the joy that a child has come into the world. Therefore, you too have grief now; but I will see you again, and your heart will rejoice, and no one will take your joy away from you." John 16:21-22
"Whenever a woman is in labor, she has pain, because her hour has come; but when she gives birth to the child, she no longer remembers the anguish because of the joy that a child has come into the world. Therefore, you too have grief now; but I will see you again, and your heart will rejoice, and no one will take your joy away from you." John 16:21-22
Monday, April 7, 2008
Borrowed words
Tonight, a little message to my daughter... I was listening again to the song written for my friend's daughter, adopted from China, and some of the words have just stirred me into a new place. Not the frenzied worried wait of the day, but of the soft, deep, soulful longing to hold my daughter. In the song, the singer wonders where her daughter sleeps and who holds her when she cries. And that stills me. It stops me dead in my tracks, in fact, and reminds me that while this wait is so hard for me because of all the selfish reasons I want my daughter here, it's not about that. There's so much more to this sadness than the waiting on my end!
My sweet little one, are you safe? Are you hungry? Are you scared or lonely? If so, I hope the angels are sitting on your bedpost, whispering secrets of your mamma, waiting and longing for you across the ocean. I hope she is a beautiful angel, with long golden curls and wings tucked behind her glowing white gown. I hope she is singing to you in the sweetest angel voice, stories of three brothers who are waiting just to "kiss your face off." And I hope she is telling you of your daddy, waiting to be swept away by your charms. But most of all, I hope she is telling you that you have a Mommy who loves you very much, and who has shed tears of longing for you for a long time. A mommy who would like nothing more than to hold you as you sleep and take away all your worries. And I hope she is telling you that soon you will not have to cry in vain, or be lonely, or wait for your next meal. Soon you will have two strong arms to run to anytime you have a boo-boo, or just need a hug. You will have six playful arms ready to engage you in any manner of fun. You will have soft hands to hold and a song to drift you off to sleep each night. I hope she is telling you about the rocking chair that awaits you with books and blankets. And the soft pink room painstakingly decorated just especially for you. I hope that she is telling you that there are so many families out there that are longing for you, but you very specifically have been chosen for us and God is very actively bringing us together RIGHT NOW. It's taking a little longer than Mommy had hoped, but we're coming, baby! It's almost time for you to rise and begin your day, just as your brothers, Daddy and I are ending ours. But you are in each of our prayers. Even our little Connor prays for you by name each night now. I hope you are feeling the warmth and love that is being sent to you from the other side of the earth. And I hope someone is loving on you, wiping your tears, mending your hurts, and giving you one last pat before you drift off to sleep each night. I hope beyond reason that someone is loving you until we can be there to do it forever. We love you little one! Spakona Noche!
My sweet little one, are you safe? Are you hungry? Are you scared or lonely? If so, I hope the angels are sitting on your bedpost, whispering secrets of your mamma, waiting and longing for you across the ocean. I hope she is a beautiful angel, with long golden curls and wings tucked behind her glowing white gown. I hope she is singing to you in the sweetest angel voice, stories of three brothers who are waiting just to "kiss your face off." And I hope she is telling you of your daddy, waiting to be swept away by your charms. But most of all, I hope she is telling you that you have a Mommy who loves you very much, and who has shed tears of longing for you for a long time. A mommy who would like nothing more than to hold you as you sleep and take away all your worries. And I hope she is telling you that soon you will not have to cry in vain, or be lonely, or wait for your next meal. Soon you will have two strong arms to run to anytime you have a boo-boo, or just need a hug. You will have six playful arms ready to engage you in any manner of fun. You will have soft hands to hold and a song to drift you off to sleep each night. I hope she is telling you about the rocking chair that awaits you with books and blankets. And the soft pink room painstakingly decorated just especially for you. I hope that she is telling you that there are so many families out there that are longing for you, but you very specifically have been chosen for us and God is very actively bringing us together RIGHT NOW. It's taking a little longer than Mommy had hoped, but we're coming, baby! It's almost time for you to rise and begin your day, just as your brothers, Daddy and I are ending ours. But you are in each of our prayers. Even our little Connor prays for you by name each night now. I hope you are feeling the warmth and love that is being sent to you from the other side of the earth. And I hope someone is loving on you, wiping your tears, mending your hurts, and giving you one last pat before you drift off to sleep each night. I hope beyond reason that someone is loving you until we can be there to do it forever. We love you little one! Spakona Noche!
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Weekends
I LOVE weekends. Friday is my favorite day of the week and I always think it's because the weekend is stretched out before us with so much promise, so much possibility. Saturday mornings are great, coffee and a leisurely read of the paper. Then there are always a million things on the list of "to-do's" for the day. Sunday is great, long mornings with a big fat paper, but a little sad, because most of the weekend is behind us at that point. But I have found that throughout the adoption process, I have started to have mixed emotions about weekends. The great thing about weekends now is that it means another week of waiting is behind us and we are entering into another block of time that is incrementally closer to registration and hopefully travel. But weekends are torture in that I know nothing is happening in our case over the weekend, so it's two long days when I don't imagine and hope that someone is doing SOMETHING to bring us closer to our little angel.
This, once again, proves that absolutely everything about life as we know it is affected by "The Wait." Every plan is made with travel in the back of my mind. Every dollar is spent knowing that we will need the extra cash for our adoption. Every day is greeted with hope and ended without any definite plans. Every victory is tempered with guarded optimism. Every weekend passes as a celebration of another week checked off the timeline, but another two days that I know no progress was made toward getting us to Russia.
How will this child of ours ever know the longing with which we waited for her? How will she ever understand the hours of hard labor that went into bringing her into "this" world? I've been through labor, it's a breeze compared to "The Wait." Will she ever understand that there has never, in the history of the world, been an unwanted adopted child? Will she understand the anticipation with which I have expected and hoped and prayed for her every day of her life? Even before she was born, when Connor was an infant, I would kneel in church and ask God to watch over our daughter's mother and help her face the things that were to come for her. When we decided to adopt again for sure, I started to pray that God would just hold our daughter and comfort her and provide for her until we were there to be His hands and voice. I know that He is holding her still. And that she is expecting us, maybe not aware, but in her heart she is longing for us as we are longing for her. My friend and neighbor just had the best quote the other day. She was talking about how the longing for a daughter goes "beyond pink." That is so true. Yes, the pink and frilly things are cute and amazing and all of that. But the longing to share that relationship that only a daughter can bring goes so far beyond the "stuff" and so much more about love and parenting. I can't wait to experience all of this parenting stuff through a new lens, the lens of a mother/daughter relationship. I can't wait to watch my husband fall head over heels for a new love. I can't wait to see him experience the unexpected rapture of his daughter.
So, the weekends are a mixed bag, a blessing and a curse. The Wait goes on for now. We are cautiously optimistic that our travel dates will be in April. We are tentatively planning everything and living our life on hurry up and wait scheduling. And until "the call" comes, we'll keep passing the weekends with joy and frustration.
Genesis 49:18 "For Your salvation I wait, O Lord."
This, once again, proves that absolutely everything about life as we know it is affected by "The Wait." Every plan is made with travel in the back of my mind. Every dollar is spent knowing that we will need the extra cash for our adoption. Every day is greeted with hope and ended without any definite plans. Every victory is tempered with guarded optimism. Every weekend passes as a celebration of another week checked off the timeline, but another two days that I know no progress was made toward getting us to Russia.
How will this child of ours ever know the longing with which we waited for her? How will she ever understand the hours of hard labor that went into bringing her into "this" world? I've been through labor, it's a breeze compared to "The Wait." Will she ever understand that there has never, in the history of the world, been an unwanted adopted child? Will she understand the anticipation with which I have expected and hoped and prayed for her every day of her life? Even before she was born, when Connor was an infant, I would kneel in church and ask God to watch over our daughter's mother and help her face the things that were to come for her. When we decided to adopt again for sure, I started to pray that God would just hold our daughter and comfort her and provide for her until we were there to be His hands and voice. I know that He is holding her still. And that she is expecting us, maybe not aware, but in her heart she is longing for us as we are longing for her. My friend and neighbor just had the best quote the other day. She was talking about how the longing for a daughter goes "beyond pink." That is so true. Yes, the pink and frilly things are cute and amazing and all of that. But the longing to share that relationship that only a daughter can bring goes so far beyond the "stuff" and so much more about love and parenting. I can't wait to experience all of this parenting stuff through a new lens, the lens of a mother/daughter relationship. I can't wait to watch my husband fall head over heels for a new love. I can't wait to see him experience the unexpected rapture of his daughter.
So, the weekends are a mixed bag, a blessing and a curse. The Wait goes on for now. We are cautiously optimistic that our travel dates will be in April. We are tentatively planning everything and living our life on hurry up and wait scheduling. And until "the call" comes, we'll keep passing the weekends with joy and frustration.
Genesis 49:18 "For Your salvation I wait, O Lord."
Saturday, April 5, 2008
The Endless Waiting
I spoke with our agency representative yesterday. She assures us we will be registered on April 14, but then again, as she pointed out, they have assured us before and to no avail. However, now that we know of a specific child, we are more anxious than ever. This adds to the weight of the wait because at any time, we could be back to square one, which would feel like a major setback at this point. We've already started to bond to this child (well, at least I have as I have stared a hole through the photo.) I am sewing clothing again with her in mind specifically. Everything I had made was sized two, so I am back at the machine sewing twelve to eighteen months now. And on top of it all, I am not sure if being "aware" of this child is actually the same as having a "referral" for her, so it's all the more heart twisting to be sitting here twiddling our thumbs.
On the practical side of things, we are being told to prepare for being in St. Pete on April 20. But not to make any arrangements yet because we won't know for sure until April 14th that we are being invited to come that specific week. UGH!!! I want to apply for visas and book travel. THAT would be exciting! But instead, I am sitting here planning to have nothing going on for me or the boys the week of the 20th. Do we reschedule first communion based on a "maybe"? We can't apply for visas until our apartment reservations are done. But that means that we will have NO time to spare if we find out on the 14th that we are leaving on the 19th, we will have to FedEx the visa apps to NY, pay for one business day turnaround (at over 2x the price). That means they will turn it around by Thursday in hopes that FedEx is on time and gets it to us on Friday! Whew... talk about a roller coaster. I just want to DO something. I have all this advance notice but can't actually plan anything... if you know me, you know this is the equivalent of torture to me.
But, I know I have to put this in God's capable and sovereign hands. I know that if this little girl is THE child He chose for us before the beginning of time, FedEx can't keep us apart. And I know that if she is not, it will be another step in grief that we will have to rely on the ultimate Healer to cure. Either way, I know God is sovereign and I know that He cares very specifically for our family and our daughter. Even though I can't comfort her, He can. I can't hold her, but His angels can. And I just have to trust that He is.
If you have a box of tissues handy, you have to go to this site: www.myspace.com/igrace and listen to the song titled "Sweet Amelia". This is a song written about my friend, Wendy Twit's daughter. Basically, her husband gave Wendy's journal to a songwriter and she put the words of expectancy and anticipation to music. I wish I could link it to play on the blog, but I haven't gotten that technical yet! :)
"Many plans are in a man's heart, but the cousel of the Lord will stand." Proverbs 19:21
On the practical side of things, we are being told to prepare for being in St. Pete on April 20. But not to make any arrangements yet because we won't know for sure until April 14th that we are being invited to come that specific week. UGH!!! I want to apply for visas and book travel. THAT would be exciting! But instead, I am sitting here planning to have nothing going on for me or the boys the week of the 20th. Do we reschedule first communion based on a "maybe"? We can't apply for visas until our apartment reservations are done. But that means that we will have NO time to spare if we find out on the 14th that we are leaving on the 19th, we will have to FedEx the visa apps to NY, pay for one business day turnaround (at over 2x the price). That means they will turn it around by Thursday in hopes that FedEx is on time and gets it to us on Friday! Whew... talk about a roller coaster. I just want to DO something. I have all this advance notice but can't actually plan anything... if you know me, you know this is the equivalent of torture to me.
But, I know I have to put this in God's capable and sovereign hands. I know that if this little girl is THE child He chose for us before the beginning of time, FedEx can't keep us apart. And I know that if she is not, it will be another step in grief that we will have to rely on the ultimate Healer to cure. Either way, I know God is sovereign and I know that He cares very specifically for our family and our daughter. Even though I can't comfort her, He can. I can't hold her, but His angels can. And I just have to trust that He is.
If you have a box of tissues handy, you have to go to this site: www.myspace.com/igrace and listen to the song titled "Sweet Amelia". This is a song written about my friend, Wendy Twit's daughter. Basically, her husband gave Wendy's journal to a songwriter and she put the words of expectancy and anticipation to music. I wish I could link it to play on the blog, but I haven't gotten that technical yet! :)
"Many plans are in a man's heart, but the cousel of the Lord will stand." Proverbs 19:21
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